The 4 Timeless Truths to Find More Joy and Less Stress In Life
Stop Chasing Happiness.
What’s the first thought that comes to your mind when someone asks, “are you happy?”
Ummmm…Insert long and often awkward pause.
Why are you asking me?
Define happy?
I’m okay?
Whatever the thought is, you likely had to pause before answering, right?
Being happy doesn’t have a significant impact on my life anymore.
Yet, I have never felt more joyful than ever.
It’s meaning, purpose and connection that I chase now.
My advice?
Forget Happy. Choose Harmony.
When I was at the height of my successful corporate career, I rarely felt any semblance of happiness or joy.
Happiness always seemed elusive to me. I equated happiness with money, status, and prestige, even though I wouldn’t admit it. Most people don’t…
But, what exactly does happy mean?
Happiness is “characterized by well-being and contentment”.
It has nothing to so with Audi’s, 4 bedrooms, and Versace.
When is the last time you felt truly well? Do you ever ask yourself that question? Again, most people don’t..
The following ideas might not sound easy but let me tell you this. They worked when nothing else I tried ever did. They worked for me, and they work for my clients.
There are only two ingredients that are required to live a joyful and transcendent life, free of high pressure.
Desire and Willingness.
If you have a sincere desire to live a more joyful life and are willing to consistently follow these 4 principles….
You will find joy.
- Change What You Believe — Period.
If you truly desire to experience joy, consider your beliefs. What are you believing about yourself?
How are those beliefs working for you?
More importantly, what are the implications of those beliefs?
If I believe stress is inevitable because I am a C-Suite Executive, then the implication of that belief is that I will continue to accept more responsibility. I will lead just an “okay life”.
Check. Been there, done that.
So, in coaching, we unravel that belief by taking action — usually small — such as delegating low priority tasks to a team member or declining an unnecessary meeting. That tiny action builds self-trust and over time, self-trust starts to feel really good. Moving forward, the belief that “stress is inevitable” starts to weaken and a new neural pathway becomes strengthened.
A second strategy we can use is to start asking ‘meta model’ type questions, which is an NLP technique often used in coaching. Once the client realizes the belief doesn’t make sense, the change process begins. The old belief starts to starve because we are no longer feeding it with our attention.
These are the type of questions I ask my clients:
Is it absolutely true that stress is inevitable?
Is it 100% true under any circumstance?
All the time?
Is this a fact or an opinion?
When we’ve weakened or loosened the grip of the old belief, it’s worth replacing it with something more useful. However, we want to make sure the new belief is not only useful but that it feels aligned and “in integrity” with who we are.
That’s where true change resides.
2. Change Your Routine — start small.
It’s time to shake things up. If you’re burnt out, let’s face it, you’re not fine. What you’re doing is clearly not working. This isn’t about shame and blame, it’s about redesign.
Is your routine nourishing, depleting, or non-existent?
Let’s say you want to build a habit of waking up a half hour earlier each day. You believe that the extra quiet time in the morning will provide you much needed alone time. Time to meditate, journal, plan your day. This pre-planning and alone time is rewarded by an increased ability to focus and increased discipline, which results in an overall better mood. Nice, right?
Currently, you have zero alone time. Your routine is to go to bed late, press the snooze button 3X and then wake up frazzled, anxious, in a rush, with no spare time before your first meeting. Not so nice.
Therefore, by changing your routine, your reward is increased energy, a plan for the day ahead, and an opportunity to start consistently meditating, a practise that benefits your anxiety level and brings more peace and harmony to your mood and to your productivity levels.
Small change, massive impact.
3. Change How You Communicate
In HeartMath, we are all about coherent communication.
Did you know that 70% of mistakes in the workplace trace back to problems in communication?
The following are some common glitches that interfere with communication and create an energy drain that depletes your resilience and contributes to high stress:
· Your attention is not focused on the conversation
· What is being said does not match what the person appears to be feeling
· You react harshly when frustrated, sometimes before the person has even finished talking
And, if you’re a FEMALE, there is the double whammy of gender stereotypes and fear of appearing “overly emotional” which muddies our understanding.
In my Group Coaching Program The Crucible for Female Executives, we often speak about “The Energetics of Communication”, which is what we teach as Certified HeartMath Trainers.
A few highlights are:
🌟Incoherent emotional energy (internal noise) transfers unspoken feelings.
🌟Coherently aligned emotional energy also transfers unspoken feelings.
Both can influence communication in important ways….
The energetics of anxiety, judgment, frustration, preconceptions, etc. can create drama and incoherence and lead to communication “misses”…. and lead to high stress.
Being genuine helps to create coherent alignment and clarity in communications…. and alleviates stress, bringing you closer to harmony and joy.
Most communication courses focus on the mechanics of communication.
We speak about the heart of communication. The essence. The unspoken. The truth.
The next time you are engaged in a conversation that activates you, remember to listen for the unsaid…
4. Change What You Consume
Define “High Quality”.
Does your mind go to words such as “expensive, upper crust, rich?” If so, re-read the section “Change Your Beliefs”.
High quality simply means of calibre, very good, or superior. When I think of high quality, I think of value, not worth.
We are all inherently worthy. That’s not debatable.
When under stress, high quality often goes out the window. Instead, things like fast food, Netflix binges, and CNN start to take precedence. Not to mention scrolling through social media newsfeeds, reels, and IG stories.
None of these activities bring you any closer to joyful living.
Become intentional about what you eat, watch on TV, the books you read, and who you follow on social media.
Your entire life is shaped by who you follow and what you consume.
Let me illustrate this point by asking, “what are you “numbing out” on?”
There’s no harm in escaping with Ted Lasso. I love him too. Adopting an occasional approach is fine, but a high-quality life is centred around high quality renewal-based activities. For me, that’s hiking, quiet mornings in the forest, reading, and yes, a career built around purpose and connection with women.
So, let’s recap:
· Change what you believe. Do you believe joy is your birthright?
· Change your routine. What is one thing you can do to shake things up?
· Change how you communicate. Are you aware of what’s unsaid?
· Change what you consume. What do you spend time reading and watching?
Are you ready to stop chasing happiness now?
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